If you’re anything like me, you’re constantly praying for guidance. “God, please just show me what to do. Give me a sign. Close the doors that need closing and open the ones that need opening. And help me SEE the signs. Help.”

I think one way God helps you is through your intuition. But in this busy world, it can be hard to hear what your intuition is trying to tell you. Most people don’t have a solid meditation practice where they get still and listen for the guidance to come through.

A lot of people have pushed down their intuition too. They’ve learned to suppress or ignore it. Or, they’re scared to trust it. Trauma. ‘Nough said.

I guess it’s a good thing that intuition isn’t the only way to hear God’s guidance then huh? There’s another way that’s a lot of fun to dig into.

Dreams- Your Unopened Mail

Dreams are an underrated way of hearing guidance. Yes, sometimes a dream is just a dream, no guidance, just you processing what has been happening in your life. But many times there are lessons or messages to be heard if you dig in a little, especially if you’re asking for guidance and feel like it hasn’t been coming through.

You might be feeling like things aren’t okay, like life hasn’t turned out how you thought it would, or should. Today I’d like to take a minute and tell you it’s going to be okay. Maybe it’s been a long time since someone told you things would turn out alright, but it feels nice to hear it. And it’s true.

How do I know it’s all going to be okay? Because if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end. Period. That’s what I believe.

I can already hear the arguments to that statement. Sometimes people die or terrible things happen in life. How can that possibly be okay? If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. And some of the worst, most painful things in life, teach us the most. Those times can push us into the best times of our lives.

But Right Now

Right now, there’s a chance you’re sleeping on someone else’s couch. Your finances or any plan you had, might have gone astray.

You may have had to create your own family because the one you had wasn’t the one you needed. You aren’t always born into the best soil for growing. But it’s part of your story.

Maybe the person you love doesn’t love you back. You have a vision of what could be, but they don’t see it the same. That’s okay.

Maybe you’re struggling with addiction. Raw dogging life feels a little too intense and you aren’t sure how to cope without substances.

Maybe you’re having a hard time loving yourself. After all, the world has shown you time and again that people who should love you, don’t. So why would you love yourself any differently?

No one is immune to challenge. No one gets a free pass. We all get to go through the tough stuff.

Life can be ugly. That’s real. It isn’t all going to be great. There are going to be dark, hard times. Times where you aren’t sure how it’s going to get better. There will be times when you won’t know how to get out of the hole you’ve dug, or someone else has dug for you.

But life can also be beautiful. There are two sides to that coin. Light and dark. Up and down. Hard times, and great times. No matter what you’re going through, good or bad, nothing lasts forever.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you; if you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

-Gnostic Gospel of Thomas

I’ve been reading a good book that quoted that line. (The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope) It’s all about living your life’s purpose, an idea I’m borderline obsessed with. This quote specifically intrigues me. It’s the kind of quote that seems highlighted, though nothing about the text is any different.

I think because you can feel how true it is. At least, I can. So could Stephen Cope since he mentions it in the book. I think you can sense how important it is too. Life or death kind of important. If you take what the quote says as truth, we’re talking about you having the power within you to save, or destroy yourself.

Now, I don’t think you’ll explode into a ball of flames. That would have made the news by now if it was happening. But I do think there is more than one way to destroy your life. And I bet you already have an inkling of what that could look like for you. Let’s see if we can break it down a little.

Beauty is weird.

Beauty is associated with value. If you’re not beautiful, you’re not considered as valuable. On the flip side, if you are beautiful, you can’t openly say that or you’re conceited. So you have to try your hardest to be beautiful, all the while pretending you haven’t noticed.

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

People will go to insane lengths to feel beautiful. They’ll spend thousands of dollars. They’ll literally have someone cut into them in an operating room to change how they look. They’ll buy all the most expensive creams and clothes. Just to feel like others find them beautiful.

Ultimately, beauty is just wrapping paper. Gifts are given in beautiful packages. But when you get the gift, all you really want to know is what’s inside. The same goes with a person.

Have you ever met someone you thought was gorgeous, but as you talked to them and got to know them they seemed less attractive? Or the opposite can be true too. Sometimes you meet someone you don’t find that attractive, and as you get to know them they become more attractive to you.

Beauty is the shiny wrapping paper. But the gift is what’s inside. Otherwise, it’s just an empty container.

“Holly, how did you lose weight and manage to keep it off so long?”

A friend of mine pulled me aside to ask me some advice on weight loss. She felt like nothing she was doing was working lately. It’s frustrating to do all the “right” things and not see any progress. It can make you feel like a failure. But you’re not.

This friend is not a big girl. She’s just a girl who isn’t where she’d like to be. And I spent most of my life in that space exactly. I wasn’t big, but I wasn’t what Americans would call small. And I spent a long time hating my body and feeling discouraged that I just couldn’t make it work.

Today, I straight-up love myself. I don’t have to buy bigger pants. Actually I don’t even know what size pants I wear if we’re being honest. Haha. I’m comfortable in my skin. I enjoy my body. It’s home to me. Before, it wasn’t home. It was a prison, and I was a prisoner within it.

While it did take me years to figure this out, decades maybe, I’m hoping to help you speed up the process. I’m going to share with you some super unsexy suggestions about this weight loss journey. No pressure. That’s one of the problems with weight loss, it’s too much pressure. We’re all unique individuals. Decide what works for you, adopt those pieces, and leave the rest.

Have you ever had a day that starts out all wrong? A day you know is going to be challenging right from the get-go? The kids are throwing fits, you burn breakfast, or your car won’t start. A day that feels like the universe is against you, where everything that can go wrong, does go wrong.

Me too. They suck. It feels like nothing you do can stop it. It only continues to get worse as the day goes on.

Because I’ve had these days, I was intrigued when I heard a new theory the other day. It says your day is distractingly bad like that because the devil is trying to steal blessings. Maybe that sounds a little far-fetched to you, but hear me out.

If God were trying to give you something really great, like a gift, would the devil want that to happen? Of course not. He’d probably be willing to do whatever it took to prevent it.

We all have specific talents and we should share them with the world. But we have to know when to share them. You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of cooking a big, warm, delicious meal. The meal is nutritious. It tastes amazing. But if you stand outside an all-you-can-eat buffet and try to force it on people, they aren’t going to eat it. They’ll think you’re crazy. They just stuffed themselves and they can’t eat another bite. It doesn’t even sound good. The thought makes their stomach upset. You will feed no one that way. And that’s how I’ve been trying to feed everyone.

But, if you take that same meal, and you give it to someone who’s hungry, someone who can’t cook or can’t afford it right now, they’ll eat it. Not only will they eat it, they’ll taste it. They feel warmed by it. They’ll be nourished by it.

The gift of the meal is beautiful and it can feed people. But you have to feed the hungry, the people who want to eat.

The gift of helping is beautiful. It can change lives. But only if you help the people that want your help.

Before I knew God, I’d pray and nothing would happen. I always believed a God existed, but I didn’t really know Him. I didn’t know myself either. I didn’t have the maturity or the awareness to zoom out and see the bigger picture.

Before I knew God, life just kept happening to me. I wasn’t in control. No one was. It was chaos, and I thought I was supposed to know what to do. I was supposed to steer the ship. Maybe I just wasn’t any good at this.

Before I knew God, I had to do it all alone. No one was coming to save me. Before I knew God, that’s what I believed. I was alone, I had to do it on my own, life was chaos that would continue to happen to me, and no one was coming to save me. What was really happening was that I had already been saved more times than I could count. The challenges had been sent my way to prepare me. I wasn’t in control, but someone else was. And I wasn’t ever alone. It’s funny how perspective can change the whole picture you see with just a little shift.

So, how does one get to know God?

I assumed I’d grown past most of the conditioning and environmental factors set forth by my raise. But this one was a blind spot. Trust issues? Sure. Control issues? Without a doubt. But leaving relationships to “better my life”? Of course that makes me better than my family. Duh. Or, maybe not so much. Maybe I leave for the same reasons they left. They didn’t have the tools to work through it, or the faith that it could work. Maybe they didn’t have any good examples either.

Well shit. I thought love was finding a grown-up person that could help you build a perfect life. I get in a relationship and try to help them achieve perfection. I see all the potential and I encourage them to reach it. And when that doesn’t work, I make them feel bad about it. To encourage them harder of course. And when that doesn’t work, I assume they’re weak. Or, curve ball, they’ll do the work and resent me, and I’ll lose respect for them because they were my puppet. There’s no winning. All roads lead to a dead end. Game over. Holly leaves.

The relationships I chose were healthier than most of the ones I saw growing up. So I assumed I was on the right track. Just looking for my person. But what if I’m my person? What if each relationship is just trying to teach me things? And every time I get into another one, the lessons just continue with a different skin suit?

Sometimes it’s a hard concept to wrap your head around, this whole giving up thing.

Is it really okay to give up on something or someone? What if you’ve dedicated years of your life to it? If you’ve sacrificed, and others have sacrificed with you in support? But now you’re just going to quit?

Yeah. And it’s okay to do just that.

Just because you’ve dedicated years to something doesn’t mean you should continue to. What if you were actually wasting years on something? What if you’re meant to be doing something else and you refuse to move forward because of the time you’ve dedicated on a different path?

I don’t know much about actual gypsies, but in my mind, they’re mysterious travelers with a thirst for adventure and a bit of magic about them.

Not many people in today’s world inspire thoughts of magic and wonder. In fact, I only know one, and I stole her from another family. She has passed away since the original writing of this blog post. It’s a tribute to her that I’m republishing it on my new site in her honor.

I’m talking about my Grams. Well, someone else’s Grams actually. I met her in a previous relationship. When that relationship ended I was unable to let her go. I’d grown too attached. She’s been my Grams ever since.