Before I Knew God
Before I knew God, I’d pray and nothing would happen. I always believed a God existed, but I didn’t really know Him. I didn’t know myself either. I didn’t have the maturity or the awareness to zoom out and see the bigger picture.
Before I knew God, life just kept happening to me. I wasn’t in control. No one was. It was chaos, and I thought I was supposed to know what to do. I was supposed to steer the ship. Maybe I just wasn’t any good at this.
Before I knew God, I had to do it all alone. No one was coming to save me. Before I knew God, that’s what I believed. I was alone, I had to do it on my own, life was chaos that would continue to happen to me, and no one was coming to save me. What was really happening was that I had already been saved more times than I could count. The challenges had been sent my way to prepare me. I wasn’t in control, but someone else was. And I wasn’t ever alone. It’s funny how perspective can change the whole picture you see with just a little shift.
So, how does one get to know God? I can’t claim to fully understand HIm or why or how He operates. But I know HIm. I know He’s there. I know he hears me. And even cooler, He answers. He’s always answered. I just couldn’t hear it before. That doesn’t mean He always gives me the answer I’d like. But after testing this theory for long enough, I’ve come to realize it’s always the answer I need.
This last Sunday I went to church for the first time in a long time. My boyfriend needed a dose of Jesus, so we went. As the sermon started, I sent up a little prayer for him. I asked that God just speak to him through the pastor. I asked that He just show him that He is with him. At first, the sermon went as many of them do. But as it was coming to the end, the Pastor mentioned that he gets tired of telling his story of how he found God. But that it’s God’s story. And when he feels called to share it, even though he gets sick of it, he shares it. And he shared it right then.
My pastor has a similar story to that of my boyfriend. Similar challenges and struggles along the way to God. And in that moment, I knew God was answering my prayer. We left church and my boyfriend told me he felt like God was speaking to him and that a lot of the pastor’s story resonated with him.
Maybe that seems like a coincidence to you. But that’s the thing about God, there really is no such thing as coincidence. Those are answered prayers and breadcrumbs showing you the way forward. I’ve had so many “coincidences” happen. They can’t be considered chance anymore.
I have a friend who doesn’t believe in God, at least not in the traditional sense. We did an experiment where I prayed for her for 30 days (I highly recommend trying this). Over those 30 days, all her life problems weren’t solved. She didn’t discover the key to end world hunger. But she did feel something. She had some small blessings happen, some things worked out, and she felt a sense of being loved that she hadn’t been feeling before.
This hasn’t miraculously changed her relationship with God. But it has helped her to open her mind to possibilities. At least I think so. God isn’t easy to explain. I don’t think we’re meant to understand Him with our heads. We’re supposed to feel Him with our hearts, sense Him with our intuition (which is how God speaks to us), and show Him through our love.
When you pray He hears you. Even if you don’t know HIm yet. Just because you have the curtains closed, doesn’t mean the sun isn’t shining outside. And just because you don’t have an awareness of God, doesn’t mean He isn’t working in your life.
You still have to help yourself though. So many people just sit around waiting for God to move mountains for them. When the plan God has for you is to follow a path He created for you that cuts through the mountain. Sometimes you’re praying for Him to move something that doesn’t need to be moved because there’s a tunnel going right through it. Don’t be so attached to the way you think you need to get there and look for the breadcrumbs. Start walking and God will show you which way to go.
There have been times in my life where I’m nudged to do things and I just don’t know how it’s all going to work. This blog is an example. “Write the blog, Holly.” I don’t know why. But God wants me to do it so here I am. You don’t have to understand the why of it. You just have to trust that you wouldn’t feel that tug if there wasn’t a reason. If you’re not sure what I mean by that, let me try to explain. It’s not an urge. An urge is like the desire to have ice cream. The desire to date the guy you know is bad for you. If you pay attention to that feeling, it feels urgent, and frantic almost. But a nudge from God feels calm, there’s no hurry. And often it makes no sense. But that’s how you know it’s not you making it up. It’s God.
Even the things that go wrong are often God. The car breaks down, the house catches fire, you lose your job. Any of these things can look like a tragedy. But sometimes it’s God clearing the way for something bigger in your life. Sometimes it’s the person you love breaking your heart. Because God knew you’d never leave otherwise and He has someone better for you.
That’s part of knowing God, knowing there’s always a reason. It’s trusting that when He is telling you the answer is no, there’s a reason. And you know what? When I surrender and go with His flow, I get to the place I was praying for faster, and it’s much better than the plan I had for myself. Every single time.
I guess it’s easy for me to say because it’s happened so many times in my life. If this is new to you, you can ask God for proof. It won’t offend Him or make Him mad. Ask Him. Say, “Listen, God, I don’t know if you’re real. But if you are, I’d like you to show me. Open my eyes to see, and give me some signs. Prove to me you exist.” And then just sit back and watch.
Before I knew God, I couldn’t see all the ways He was working in my life. I couldn’t see that my challenging childhood would strengthen me and give me so many tools for life and for blessing others. I couldn’t see how closely beauty is tied to suffering. How suffering leads to a rich appreciation of life.
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. It’s all connected. The times I thought He was silent, He was paving the way for me. The times I didn’t think He wanted it for me, He was waiting for me to believe in myself. The times I thought I couldn’t do it, He showed me the path forward. He opened the way for so many dreams I had no way of knowing how to achieve. He’s still sending dreams that feel impossible. But here I am still trying. Because if God has a plan for me, who can stop me?
Before I knew God, I might have explained all this as just optimism. As looking at the bright side. I could have been the kind of person annoyed by the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason”. But not now. Now I have an inner knowing. It feels like a calm, warm assurance. A knowing.
I don’t have to wonder, because I know. I don’t have to convince anyone else, I can just have this experience, and others who want to see it will. It doesn’t have to make sense. And so often it won’t. It just is.
I know Him. And I know that even the darkest times are bringing me gifts. Some of the most beautiful things are born from darkness. Before I knew God, the hard times scared me. But now, now I know someone is walking with me and the gifts on the other side of that dark path will be worth every step. Thanks God.
As always, thanks for reading this divine download. God gives me the thread and I just follow it down the rabbit hole and share it with you. If these messages resonate with you, I’d love it if you’d subscribe or share them with someone who needs it.
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How to Be Friends with Your Ex
Thanks so much for reading today. I love you and want all the best for you.
